So I have been thinking about a bunch of random stuff lately. So we have this puppy her name is Jewel and I swear she is the dumbest puppy on the face of the earth sometimes. today she looked at me and squatted and peed on my bathroom floor. Then got up and ran away from it because she knew she was going to be punished. Then when I put her in the backyard for punishment she slid out of the hole under the fence that our other dog Annie had dug and instead of roaming the neighborhood she went to the front door luckily for her that made me a little happier than I would have been. Any way the past week I have been sick and she has been doing this a lot. I have been thinking to myself how am I going to keep a baby alive am I crazy for wanting one???? but then I'm like that is a crazy thought a baby wont be moving that fast for at least a year and once you hit a year your pretty much home free right? but at the same time babies are so expensive! you can't just throw them out side to poop and pee you have to buy diapers and stuff.
Then she does cute stuff like play with Annie, explore, and sleep, and then I think I can do this its not that bad. I can have a baby they are cute and sleep, and they coo and eventually they smile and laugh with you and at you. You get this little person who will love you unconditionally at least for a few years any way.
Then I have been having major pain break throughs with my cysts on my ovaries and wonder how long I can last being off of birth control or not being pregnant. All of our children will pretty much be planned unless our first baby totally and completely negates the effects of my poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. I have been in so much pain that some nights I just rock and weep my self to sleep.
But only 1 more week till we can start trying and hopefully I will be a fertile myrtle!
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